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i am sorry if you guys think this. I posted out of shear desperation and now you all make me feel even worse
I am truly sorry to hear that. On the other hand, i think suggestions for 'where else to turn' that you can get to in VA are more likely to benefit you in the long run than the 'I will pray for you' responses you're getting on the xian boards you've been posting on.

OF all the places i've turned to when despondent, the internet is one of the last.

When i worked in Norfolk, i volunteered at a Crisis Center. It was advertised as a Suicide Hotline, but there are also other services available for not quite so desperate individuals other than suicide counseling. Maybe there is a counseling or information hotline in your area.
Women's Resource Center, New River Valley

Family and Work/Life resolution toll free numbers